Avatar: A Somewhat Belated Review

Okay, let's talk about the movie with the big blue smurfycats. I think I'm the only member of my family who actually bothered to watch it, the others concluding (correctly, alas) that the plot is so derivative, it's not worth the effort. You've all probably read that it's basically the same plot as [insert your favorite movie about big evil countries/corporations/conglomerations raping and pillaging the landscape and/or natives here]. Well, it's true. Then again, plot isn't everything. In fact, depending on who you ask, there are only five basic plots in all of literature. (Some claim there's really only one.) "Avatar" filed the serial numbers off an old, tried-and-true plot, and then dazzled us with special effects. The results were mixed. So, I'd give it an A+ for beauty of animation and cinematography, and a D- on plot, due to utter predictability. Sam Worthington (Sully) and Zoe Saldana (Neytiri) get A's for their voice acting (and brief "real" acting, for Worthington.) Cameron's "world building" skills need work. For instance, I had real problems with "floating mountains." I think the laws of physics apply even on Pandora, folks. Voiding them out by use of some mysterious "vortex" thingy won't cut it, sorry. And whoever decided to call the mysterious mineral "unobtainium" gets the "Lame Name of the Century" award, and should be blackballed from all future cinematic endeavors forever. James Cameron should be marooned on an iceberg in the North Atlantic for three days just for ALLOWING it. HONESTLY. That practically ruined the whole movie for me. Even friends who are able to suspend their disbelief quite easily, had a problem with "unobtainium." I could not have come up with a more idiotic name if I'd sat up three nights running, watching nothing but a Three Stooges marathon interspersed with back-to-back infomercials. While drinking double Espresso and eating Turkish Delight. And Cheetos. Gah. Unobtainium. Gah. I thought Sigourney Weaver was great; and doesn't she look incredible for a woman of 60? But the Marine Colonel/Mercenary was way, WAY too two-dimensional. He was like the bastard offspring of Boris Badenov and Maleficent. And, once more flogging the deceased equine, the plot was pure DancesWithWolvesPocahontasFernGully. I could throw in a few dozen others. Really, they should have called it "Dances with Big Blue Native Smurf Cats on Pandora." And, of course, you know what "Pandora" means, right? Right? My only question is, was James Cameron aware of the awesome mythic roots he was giving his smurfy cats? If so, how could he then proceed to slap the audience in the face with a wet fish called "unobtainium?" Sheer ignorance? Bad advice from his production staff? Off his meds? However, despite my difficulties with floating mountains and all, it was a very pretty movie. And, oh boy, the beasties were spectacular! Great, GREAT beasties! My assessment: Despite it all, worth watching. Watch it for the beasties.